The Symptoms and Remedy of Terminal Uniqueness

The paradox of this condition is that while it’s motive is to keep you desperately alone, many friendships, partnerships, communities, and organizations are formed to validate those who believe themselves “black sheep” or terminally unique. Misfits. Misunderstood. A person so different, they struggle to be connected to anything or anyone. Unless, of course, that person is also claiming to be misunderstood. 

Funny how we might allow ourselves to entertain intrusive thoughts that alienate us while seeking out others who feel the same, and then perpetuate stories to each other about how disconnected from society, family, and the world we are. In the last three years I watched whole communities sprout from the notion of terminal uniqueness. In my experience, those clinging to the notion that they are the only person who’s ever felt or experienced life as they have, has no intention of healing themselves of their victimhood. It’s a psychological cycle that has no fruitful end, and will thrust you into places of fantasy and delusion, powerless to change your life and your experience for good. 

How many times have you thought, “No one understands me”? 

Or

“People just don’t get me.”

Or

“Everyone in my family…” “No one in my family”

Or 

“All of my friends…” “None of my friends”

Any number of phrases and ideas that have convinced you, you might be the only one experiencing life the way you do? Feeling feelings no one else would understand? Thinking thoughts others would think are “crazy”? 

It’s called terminal uniqueness and accepting this belief will slowly but surely isolate you so that retraumatizing yourself over and over is a near certainty. 

The idea that no one will understand you, because your set of circumstances or experiences are unique, is an incredibly crafty tactic at perpetuating the idea of separation.  Living your life believing you are so unique it is impossible to connect or be understood by anyone, is sure to cement your dysfunctional patterns.  

Have we become so desperate for uniqueness that we’ve fallen victim to believing our trauma sets us apart? Or that we need our trauma to set us apart? This story is what makes us susceptible to ideas we call “cults” where all of the misfits gather and bond as “soul family” since we happen to be black sheep in our family of origin. It becomes an Us vs. Them scenario and the truth is, we are all being played.

Have you convinced yourself that to be yourself would mean being rejected by those around you? Have you censored yourself because you’re convinced your thoughts are so abstract no one else could possibly comprehend them or worse would shame you for thinking such things?

 The terminally unique surround themselves with people who cannot understand them, because it validates their need to be special. Thus solidifying their own personal “truth” of being outcast and misunderstood. 

Should you choose this place of uniqueness, you will never find trust in your relationships, you will never be able to practice authenticity, and you will never be anything but alone and misunderstood. Everyone you encounter will be suspect, yes, even the ones who claim to “know what you’re going through” because the story inside you will demand that you are different. 

The good news is….

You’re not unique. 

You’re a living Soul choosing to express itself as a human being. You’ve experienced many things. You’ve loved and lost. You’ve been betrayed. You’ve been abused. You’ve been rejected. You’ve been insecure. You’ve been scared. You’ve been sick. You’ve been happy. You’ve been hungry. You’ve been full. You’ve been hopeful. You’ve been depressed. You’ve been on cloud 9 and you’ve been in the pits of despair. 

Welcome. 

Every single person here has some experience like yours. 

You are not alone and this is very good news. 

When you focus on the details of your life as proof that you’re different, you are fooling yourself. We are programmed beings. Our body has a program that it runs. We live in a system as a system. We are so very similar! 

We are even similar in the ways in which we wake up to the Truth of God in us, as us. We have used words like “individual” believing ourselves separate, but the original etymology of this word meant "one and indivisible, inseparable.” Its original meaning was changed in the late 1800’s to be “separate”. And so, just like society has agreed to change the words we use and mold the meaning to whatever suits them, we each have the power to do the same in our own lives.  We have the distinct ability to personally express the impersonal God to our world. Living in a terminally unique state robs us of our gift of connection and authority. We can never fully express the beauty of all that God is, in isolation. God is not separate. So to believe that we either are or need to be, is disavowing of the very nature of God. 

In my personal dismantling of believing myself to be terminally unique, these were the methods I employed that exposed this sickness and helped me begin the dis-integration of its harmful beliefs:

Practical application, prayer treatments and techniques are shared in my paid subscription. If you would like access you can access the full article by subscribing here: