Retire from Worry, Anxiety, and Fear, and Live in Peace!
Retire from Worry, Anxiety, and Fear, and Live in Peace!
Years ago, I worked with a woman who lived with crippling anxiety. I actually didn’t know that she was carrying so much worry and fear, because she seemed to mask it so well (hello functional freeze). Being around her felt rather peaceful, actually. We had been working together for about 90 days when she showed up to our session and she told me, rather proudly, that she had been off of her anxiety meds for almost a month.
I was actually so surprised to learn that she had been on medication for years. Because of our regular sessions and her commitment to simple daily practices, she found that she no longer needed the medication. Her daily prayer practice had begun to bring her nervous system back into a much more regulated state. These were “side effects” of her practice. We did not set an intention to get off medication, as I didn’t even know it was part of her equation.
She explained a lot of what her anxiety stemmed from and I can say that it was as normal as nearly every human in terms of topics and concerns. She and her husband were both plagued with worry, burdens, and stresses of all kinds. Her husband even struggled with high blood pressure as a result. And the topic of worry and fear were things we addressed and worked through in our time together. So, from that experience and my own personal experience, I offer what I have seen work time and time again.
First, as I have come to understand the side effects of worry and fear, I can truly say I have great motivation to rid them from my experience. Multiple studies and authorities as ancient as Plato understood the powerful and negative effects that worry alone has on the physical body.
“Those who do not know how to cure worry, die young.” ~Alexis Carroll
I mean, yes, death is the ultimate side effect of prolonged worry and fear. The body cannot exist for long under such duress. But before death comes, the body will express things like:
Heart conditions
Diabetes
Thyroid conditions
Stomach ulcers
Tooth decay
Blood disorders
Nervous system conditions and diseases related to nervous disorders…
All because of WORRY, or patterns of worried thoughts played over and over again with the emotion of worry pulsing through the body.
Should you eat well? Yes. Should you mind your circadian rhythm? Of course. But most importantly you MUST remedy the incessant worry you may find yourself living in. The mind is the most potent of influences on the body. It is far more potent than food, exercise, or even the habit of rhythmic living. These things can certainly support you, though I would say, start looking at what your mind is holding before you consider buying all that organic food. I know plenty of stories about people who lived “healthy lives” making all the best decisions regarding food and exercise, practicing yoga daily, having a positive demeanor, and still found themselves diagnosed with stage four cancer. Why? Because of the deep emotional and mental sickness they were in. The unexamined thoughts that were running on a loop were making them sick and the body was working to heal, like it always does.
A renewed mind can cure the sickest body.
Plato said..”the greatest mistake physicians make is trying to cure the body without curing the mind.”
Chronic worrying will rob you of joy, peace, health, wealth, and purpose…which are the exact things you need for longevity.
There’s a story of a prominent business man who, because of the stresses of his job had worried himself into a terrible stomach ulcer. The ulcer became so bad that he went from 175 pounds to 90 pounds in very little time. He was weak and frail and ended up in the hospital. They put a tube down his throat several times a day to drain his stomach because he simply struggled to digest anything but a tablespoon of milk every few hours. The doctors told him he didn’t have long if he didn’t start to improve soon. The man thought to himself, if I’m going to die, I should go do the things I always wanted to do, like travel the world. He told the doctors and nurses he was leaving the hospital to go see the world before he died. They told him he wouldn’t make it very far, but he insisted. This story was back when people traveled by ship, and so he bought his ticket, boarded a large ship and began his journey. He encountered dangerous storms and thrilling adventures, which consequently didn’t worry him at all. He had found a new zest for life. He saw many of the places he had dreamed of and after months away he returned home, happier and healthier than ever. He had forgotten about his ulcer completely and hadn’t experienced any effects from it. He had gained weight and returned to strength in his mind and body. When he made it home, he was inspired to a new pursuit in his life altogether. He lived a long and healthy life realizing that freeing himself from worry and deciding to live life to the fullest was the cure.
Something I’ve found very effective in curing worry is the practice of “living in day tight compartments” that I learned from Dale Carnegie, many years ago.
He said that worry plagues us because we stew in the regrets of yesterday and become anxious over tomorrow. This isn’t a new concept at all. Living in the present moment has become a spiritual catch phrase, but few people understand the simple practicality of it.
Living in “day tight” compartments simply means:
Upon waking each day, be satisfied to live in each moment as it comes. Don’t be worried over what’s happening tomorrow. Jesus said.. “tomorrow will take care of itself.” Imagine upon waking you just lived in your first morning stretch, and then you lived in getting out of bed, and then in walking to the bathroom or kitchen, and then you just lived in your morning routine, or eating a meal. Imagine if when you woke each day, your entire practice was focused on living as fully as possible until bedtime. That’s it.
We’ve been taught to pray…give us this day our DAILY bread. Not tomorrow’s bread. And there’s no recounting yesterday’s bread. Each day, is a brand new opportunity for a life well lived! So, what if you just let yourself live in today? Totally. Completely. Fully. And then at night, you could sleep soundly and peacefully knowing you had filled your day full of LIFE.
Another incredible cure for worry or fear is CREATIVITY. Maybe you’re thinking..how can I be creative when I’m worried or afraid? And the answer is, you can’t. You can’t hold your attention on two thoughts at once, it’s true. Though, creativity has a major shifting effect.
Have you ever been burdened by worry over something, but then you showed up at work and things were so busy and demanding you became completely attentive to all that was going on and had no time to worry at all? Before you knew it, you had spent the day busy with other tasks and thoughts of worry had no room in your mind.
I realize that in our world, because we are bombarded with fear tactics at every turn, escaping to work ourselves silly has also become a thing. It works for a little while, but eventually the health bill comes due, and we are forced to pay up for all of the nerve wracking worry and anxiety we’ve stuffed down by shifting our worry and anxiety to overcommitted living. Obviously this is an extreme and not at all what I’m suggesting. The point is, you cannot hold two thoughts at once. Try it. You’ll find your attention is forced to one or the other.
Creativity gives our mind the opportunity to release the worry and focus ourselves in a way that is expansive and fulfilling. It could be something very small. For a while the only thing I allowed myself to do when worry crept in was color. I had stunted my creative outlet with incessant worry for so long, that when I finally said, I’ve got to find a way out of this perpetual worry, the only thing that came to mind was to get a coloring book.
As a child I absolutely loved to color. My friends and I would color together for hours, and we found such peace in it all. I remember driving to a local craft store and buying a “grown up” coloring book. I bought crayons and markers and colored pencils and gel pens. I went a little crazy buying all of the things I could possibly think of to create some kind of masterpiece, but this very suppressed part of me quickly came alive. I found myself sitting in my dining room, coloring, and being completely washed in the enjoyment of it all.
I would take my completed coloring pages and display them on my fridge…yes, just like a proud parent, for all to see. It’s funny to consider, but I have loved this creative outlet. As I let myself enjoy it at will, I noticed that I began to enjoy singing again. I had sung professionally in my earlier years and because of life’s stresses and disappointments, I had abandoned that part of myself. Slowly, I collected these pieces and have spent the last few years broadening my creative allowances. I’ve taken up knitting, crochet, and resin pouring as well. When I become engrossed in a creative project, all worry and concern seems to float away. It’s pure magic.
This was the first time I ever did an exotic epoxy pour. I was hooked!
My mother suffered a stroke two years ago. She had her first bout with a stomach ulcer at the age of six, and her life has been frought with health issues. If she were to see Dr. Alexis Carroll or Dr. Edward Podolsky (Stop Worrying and Get Well), they would confirm her cause has always been a strong case of worry. She has lived in so much worry and fear until her body finally had enough. In the last two years she has had to find ways to calm her worried mind. She often sits at a table in her kitchen working on a puzzle. She’s put together probably 15 different 700-1000 piece puzzles in the last two years. It is an outlet that offers a solution to her anxious thoughts.
Some people need physical exertion. Their system becomes wired with the stress that accumulates when worry, anxiety, and fear bombard them. Going for a run, playing a sport, hiking, swimming, or just a nature walk, can be a simple outlet to relieving your mind and allowing your body to feel unburdened by worry’s chemical flood.
Worry is the result of internal resistance. Worry or fear will have us cycling in doomed thoughts over problems real or assumed. One of the things I’ve used personally and with my clients is the “Then what?” Technique. Here’s how it looks:
We discuss their current worry or fear. I ask them, “if this (specific worry or fear) actually happened, then what?” And they tell me what they believe would follow. And when they tell me what they believe would follow I ask “and if (specific outcome) happened, then what?” They then will respond with whatever they believe would happen next. We continue this until we come to the end of the “then what” scenario. In my own experience, every scenario boiled down to “I would die”. One of my mentors did this with me 8 years ago, and when we finally got down to “I would die”, he asked, “then what?” I looked at him with disbelief…”then what?!” “Then I would be dead, I guess!” And he said, “well, would you be worried, then?” I stopped. “No. I guess all my worries would be over.” So, the next question is.. “do you need to die to stop worrying?” I can honestly say, if I thought that was my only option, I would sincerely just stop all the worry right now and live no holds barred. How about you?
That exercise changed my entire perspective. Now, for some, they will continue down a dreary path of hopelessness with every new “then what?” question. However, there comes a moment, when they are really in the depths of their pretend unraveling and they say something like… “well, I guess then my family would help me.” Or “my friends would give me support.” In other words, several people found themselves at their lowest in the “then what” scenario, and at their lowest they knew they had support around them that would never let them go down. They would make it out and back to hope again.
This is important when we find ourselves drowning in worry, fear, or anxiety. If all of the things you’ve considered actually happened to you, then what???? The answer is, one way or another, you would find your way out of worry into freedom. So, what if you just let yourself find that right now, without all of the drama and trauma?
Mantras can be very helpful. One very simple mantra I use whenever the need arises, is this:
“There’s always a solution. No matter what seems to be the trouble, the solution already exists.” The next time you find yourself in the middle of difficulty and you want to worry about it, try this mantra. Say it over and over for at least 60 seconds. The more you can affirm that there is ALWAYS a solution, a way out, a remedy, or an answer, you will find that the infinite intelligence of the mind of God within you begins to work it out and reveal everything you need to know.
My own very recent bout with worry went something like this….
My youngest daughter, who lives with me, recently took a job that requires her to work late into the night or early morning hours at times. The first few days of her job I actually drove her to work because she was nervous about all of the new changes she was making and didn’t want to be stressed about finding parking in this area of town where she would be working. So, I drove her to help ease her mind. This meant staying up rather late to pick her up as well. By the third day of work she felt a bit more comfortable, but I certainly wasn’t. I was nervous and worried over her walking to her car late at night, driving late at night, having any number of issues and not being able to get to her, etc. My mind was in turmoil over it. I wish I could say I immediately resorted to my own remedies and dissolved it quickly. I didn’t. I continued to worry every time she was scheduled to work late at night. At one point I was sitting up at home, it was nearing midnight, and I still hadn’t heard from her. I began to worry (surprise, surprise). I thought I might need to get in my car and drive to her to make sure she was ok (yes, crazy lady status activated). Beau said… “this isn’t healthy”-which only fueled my anger at the fact that I knew it wasn’t and felt totally victimized by this incessant worrying. I was so exhausted. We had been busy all day and my body was so tired. I was fighting sleep because I wanted to make sure she got home safely. And then, I wanted him to stay up and let me sleep so that I could make sure she got home safely. I was tired, angry, and worried and told myself no one else cares except me. I have to bear this burden of making sure this child gets home safe! (And the inner me raged at this thought). Oh! The stories we concoct when we have lost our minds to worry! I was so in it. It’s laughable now. And then, as soon as the thought made itself known, another thought quickly followed. “Jodi. This is not true. God is staying up, being vigilant, and keeping watch. God will make sure she gets home safe and sound. How could you staying awake change or control anything? You cannot. God is in charge and will take it from here.” In all of my hyper vigilance I had lost sight of the fact that…God’s got us. I can sleep soundly knowing God is taking care of me, her, and everyone else I care about. God is big enough. As soon as I allowed myself to accept that thought, I put my phone away. I settled into my bed and let myself decompress until I fell asleep. Of course, my daughter returned home safe and sound shortly after that. And since that night I have trusted God to handle the night shift (and the day shift). God’s got us. My vigilance cannot control a single thing, only God can.
Worry can swallow us. Fear can take over and we can become so convinced that life is going to take us down, we often need a change in position and perspective. It’s a process that adjusts our emotions and releases us from the grip of worry entirely. I learned this years ago and anytime I feel overwhelmed by the experiences of my life, I will use this technique to put things in their proper perspective. For me, and those who’ve used it, there seems to be immediate relief. Much of what we worry or fear is based on our very limited perspective. Our beliefs position us in such a way to see our life through the lens of what we believe to be true. This does not mean it’s actually true, though we believe it deeply. Perspective can open us up to possibilities and set us free from the false ideas we’ve bound ourselves to.
The Position and Perspective Method:
Take a moment to relax yourself. Get still, and as peaceful as possible. Feel your muscles and body relax and let them melt into the chair or bed or place you find yourself resting. Breathe nice and easy. Invite peace. Feel all of the energy you’ve given to people, conversations, thoughts, and concerns come back to you now. Collect yourself.
Consider what it is that is troubling you. Is it a person, a circumstance, a diagnosis, a mistake, the future or the past? What is it that has burdens your mind with worry, anxiety, or fear?
See it in your imagination.
Then, as you see this thing or person or idea in your imagination, imagine you are somehow beginning to grow taller and taller. The thing you’ve been worried about is getting smaller and you are becoming larger and larger. You are now taller than the room you are in. Then you notice your are taller than the building you are in. Again you notice yourself growing and seem to be taller than the area in which you live. You continue to grow and stretch until you see that you are bigger than the earth itself. Your problem has nearly become microscopic. You pick it up and place it in your own hand. You can see it and everything about it, in full detail and from every angle.
You notice that it is so very small. It seems insignificant. There appears to be nothing to be worried about at all. And, from this angle you realize, you are in control. From this perspective, you can arrange the scenario exactly as you wish it to be, and so you do. You begin to rearrange the entire scene you are holding and directing it exactly as you wish it to be. Your position and perspective give you the ability to operate wisely and without the charge of fear. In fact, you find that you are at peace and in total relaxation. There is nothing to fear. You have redesigned the entire circumstance to one of peace and good for all. You can now release this circumstance knowing it has been perfectly arranged. You bless it and all involved. You set it back in place. And you begin to notice that peace is anchoring itself in your being. You find yourself slowly and gently coming back into the area you live, the building you’re in, the top you’re in, and the body you occupy.
You bring your attention back to this moment and you know there is nothing to be worried or afraid about. All is well. You can now leave this place trusting and knowing you are perfectly guided and taken care of.
In order to be retired from worry, we must quit entertaining these incessant thoughts at the moment they insist on being heard. These practices are simple, and perhaps you can think of other ways to reason yourself out of worry, fear, and anxiety. The technique doesn’t matter nearly as much as the determination to shift from the lies and grab hold of a better thought, something true, virtuous, pure, inspiring, and hopeful. These methods are doorways to your peace.
Worry is chronic because we become addicted to its chemical cocktail. You don’t have to consume drugs or alcohol to become an addict. Worry, fear, and anxiety are some of the most debilitating drugs you can take. You must break the addiction yourself. And you will once you realize the toll it is taking on your health, your happiness, and longevity.
Have you become idle? Have you lost hope? Is your nervous system shot because of your hyper vigilance, worry, and stress making? You need a new story. You need a renewed mind. You need the truth in big doses. You need a new lease on LIFE! You don’t GET OUT of the hole you’re in, you START OUT in a new direction entirely.
The next time something wants to worry you, remind yourself that you’re retired from worry. You quit that poor paying job long ago. You are a recovered worrier and you are on a path of living your best life, now.
Finally, if you find yourself anxious about the future, the state of the world and your safety or wellbeing, or a certain outcome in any situation, remind yourself with this truth:
“ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. You will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:11
And so it is.
Peace be with you.