Healing: The Inconvenient Truth

Most of my life I’ve enjoyed great health. I was the person who often touted… “I don’t get sick.” And, it was true. I had the chicken pox when I was 5, but I honestly can’t remember anything but a bout of food poisoning in seventh grade that left an impression.

I’ve had a few accidents here and there, but, I have truly been blessed with a fair amount of peace (as it pertains to health) for most of my life.

In 2019, I had a major shift to all of my previous years of good fortune in my personal health that led me into complete disillusion and at times total terror. No one could figure out what was going on. My body was in full freak out mode and my labs were “normal”. I was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed anti-anxiety meds. I never even filled the prescription because I knew what was going on had nothing to do with anxiety.

The trial and error of my health went on for two more years. I lost weight then gained weight. I left a 20 year marriage, moved away from the city I was raised in, and ventured into a whole new way of living. I was not just attempting to silence what was going on in my body, I was trying to find myself.

It was the ultimate separation conflict.

My life was spinning, mostly out of control, and I was trying to find anything that could bring some stability. On the outside, most people would have never known of the internal turmoil.

While I exhausted every tip, trick, fad, trend, diet, supplement, gadget, system, modality, and method I could access, nothing quieted the chaos. After 3 years of changing my diet, focusing on my circadian rhythm, making attempts to eliminate stress (without much success), I was no closer to my desired outcome.

I had shelves of supplements, and money spent on courses and practices. I was even more frustrated than when I started. All of these “answers” and still no resolve! What gives? One morning I decided I wasn’t taking another pill, tracking one more meal, or reading anything else on what could possibly be going on. I was done with all of the trying and effort.

I shifted my focus to simply eating good nourishing food. At first even this was a bit stressful because of my relationship with “healing”. The questions of “is this right?”, “should I be eating something different?” “Will my body accept what I’m offering it?” “Will I have a reaction?” Literally questions I’ve never asked myself before 4 years ago.

After about 30 days of just eating good food and not concerning myself with anything else, I started to feel a little more energetic. I felt like I could sustain a positive energetic feeling for longer in the day. It was glorious!

During this time of expanding capacity, I had a notion to return to a practice I had long abandoned. I didn’t feel called to return to my weight watchers app, or renew my gym membership, but I felt deeply called to return to a regular, intentional practice of prayer. I come from a long line of faith filled pray-ers, but I’ll admit it wasn’t high on my list as a constant practice when my good health began to unravel. However, there was now an impression, a magnetic pull to return to something I knew very well and had put away for the promise of a quick fix or bio hack.

And so, several months ago, I reignited a devoted and intentional prayer practice for therapeutic purposes. I wondered if I could resolve all of my internal “conditions” with prayer alone. I decided to experiment on myself and find out. I do intend to share my findings here, in the posts that will follow, but for now, I want to acknowledge the very inconvenient truth about healing.

There have been no quick fixes. The bio hacking did more harm than good. All of my supplements, though they added much needed support to my deficiencies, could not bring my body back to harmony. The meal tracking stressed my system and sent me into blood sugar dysregulation. The obsession with information on what else to do or what else could possibly be going on left me with far more “don’t’s” than “do’s”. My pursuit of fixing my health with every “remedy” I could find was bringing me no resolution. The inconvenient truth about healing (and by this I mean bringing resolution and transformation) any and all areas of our life is that you will ultimately have to do the thing you keep avoiding with all of your prescriptions and band-aids, potions, mechanisms, and modalities.

You can’t supplement your way out of a mind drowning in doubt, fear, scarcity, and separation. There’s no hack for it. Even re-patterning your neural network takes the time it takes. My prayer therapy experiment has not been an overnight resolution in most cases, though it has been a thorough process of rooting out the dysfunction at an essential level to renew my mind and restore my body. I’ve learned so much about my power and potential. There are several helpful tools I accessed that I intend to share as well!

Should you decide to finally resolve the challenges in your health, relationships, finances, purpose, fulfillment, and expression, you will be required to drop all schemes and quick fixes. There is no short cut to wholeness and whether you know it or not, that is what you are ultimately after. If only we could more willingly accept that real healing is messy. The more you seek a short cut, the longer it takes to get where you want to be. Until you address the emotional root that’s got your brain executing a dysfunctional program, any assistance be it natural and healthy or not, can only provide relief, not a remedy.

I personally am here for abundant living on all levels. I’ll be accepting remedies only from here on out.